Reflections, Blessings, Truths, Dreams

This morning I had one of those rare quiet moments where the world is still, the constant mental hum of busy melts away, and I am able to reflect on life. It is in these moments that I have made the big decisions in my life, that I have figured out the answers to questions I’ve been turning over in my mind with such sudden clarity that there is no room for doubt, and that I have time to be thankful for all the blessings in my life. This morning I sat here reflecting as our six-year-old slept nearby and our newest tiny addition nodded while curled against my chest. I watched as the world outside slowly lightened with the rising sun. The fog started off thick, clinging to the trees, burning off as the world got brighter. It was a perfect moment.

This morning I thought about how unbelievably blessed I am. I have three healthy, beautiful daughters. I am healthy. I am married to a great man who I adore. I have a job that allows me to make a difference in the lives of others. I am financially stable and own my home. I have many amazing friends and family members in my life. We were able to open a new business this year. I am thankful for all these blessings and the many others not mentioned.

I also had time to consider what is next in my life. What do I want to work on? Are there any changes I need to make? Any truths I need to accept? Any potential I am ignoring? Any dreams I need to dedicate my little free time and energy toward achieving? Where do I hope to be in five years? Does anything need to change for me to get there?

The truth is I’m in a rut. I have become way too comfortable. I have grown to love parts of my comfort zone and feel trapped by others. The truth is I doubt and second guess myself too much. I waste too much time on silly, trivial things that don’t matter to me and then complain that I have no time. I watch too much television and I’m becoming addicted to Facebook scrolling. The truth is that this is my fourth blog. Each of them has helped me to find myself and attempt to develop my voice and writing style. When I start to find that voice it scares me so I fall back on fact based writing even though I want to write more emotionally driven inspirational posts. I want to put more passion into my writing. The truth is I take the easy road because I am afraid of what may happen if I push through. When I was young I was afraid of what others would think, how they may react. Now that I’m older I am more afraid of change. As I already stated above, I am blessed. My life is not perfect but it is good. What if I push through? If I give it my all, Am I more afraid of failure or success? The truth is I am afraid of what may change with either. If I succeed at my goals it will change me and my life. If I fail, I will lose the dream and it will change me. I know because both success and failure have shaped who I am. The truth is I am ignoring my dreams and failing to act out of fear. It is not just my writing that deserves more effort. I deserve more effort. If I wish to continue to grow toward where I hope to be in five years, I must come back out of auto-pilot and start putting the work in. Whether I succeed or fail, I must give all I have towards achieving my dreams because I will someday regret it if I do not. I don’t want to live with that regret. The truth is that it is easier to ignore my dreams. Fear, laziness and a million excuses could allow me to ignore them forever. I cannot keep ignoring my dreams. I am becoming stagnant in my comfort zone. It is time for a change. It is time for a new adventure. The truth is I am ready.

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